| Relevant. I hope you're marching tomorrow. http://jointheimpact.com/ |
[Nov. 14th, 2008|10:15 pm] |
13 Nov 2008 04:22 pm
That Old House By Andrew Sullivan
It's been a while since I gave my stump speech on marriage equality. In the 1990s, I must have given it hundreds of times. It was a much lonelier struggle back then, which is why it is so moving to see how this profound cause has now burgeoned into a mass movement worthy of it. At one moment, in one speech, I tried to explain to a frustrated audience member why the institution of marriage matters to us gay people, and why nothing else will ever do. It came out something like this:
Growing up gay in a largely straight world, and being told that you can have your legal contracts for your relationship if you're lucky, or live with domestic partnerships if you're really lucky, is a bit like growing up in a big, old house. You're allowed to live there - in fact, you were born there and grew up there - but certain rooms are off-limits. "You can't go in there," the adults say, as soon as you learn to walk. "Or there," they remind you as you get older. And you wonder why. But you're a good kid and don't want to make a ruckus, and it's your home too and your family, and they seem very insistent. After a while, they allow you to go up to the second floor and even third floor. There are rules there: don't touch that vase, don't put your feet on that couch, don't spill anything on that rug. But you can still hang out there if you really want to.
But there's one room at the very top of the house that has always been forbidden, and the more lee-way you are given elsewhere, the more stringently that rule is enforced. In the end, they say, "You can go anywhere and do anything - apart from that room." And you accept this, because they seem so intent on it. And you love them. But you keep wondering: why that room? What is up there? What am I not allowed to experience or to see?
And one day, you get up your courage and you wait till the adults are out and you gingerly make your way to that room you have never been in before.
And you go in, and look around, with some awe and burning curiosity. And you look in the cupboards and the drawers and under the chairs, and finally you find, in one dusty old desk, what they never wanted you to find.
You find the legal papers, the deed, that proves that they own the house. And you don't. However long you live, whatever you do, however you conduct yourself, this house will never be yours. You can live in it - with their permission, and under their authority. It is your home, because where else were you born and where else would you live - but only to rent, never to own. It is your family, but you are always kept one critical step away from being fully part of it. There is one fine line you will never be allowed to cross.
It is your country, but you are never fully a citizen. You can live here, but you can't vote. Your parents can die here, but you will never inherit this house.
We want to be citizens.
We want to be a full and equal part of our own homes and our own families and our own lives.
And some of us, having been in that room for a short while, know what it feels like.
And we will never, ever let it go. |
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| President Barack Obama |
[Nov. 4th, 2008|09:30 pm] |
I'm sitting on my back porch with my girlfriend and my cat. We're listening to Seattle cheering. The sound is coming from all around us. And it hasn't stopped for 30 minutes.
We did it. |
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| Welcome Back |
[Sep. 30th, 2008|08:26 am] |
I've been to California four times this year. Once in March for a week with my girlfriend on our spring break, once in April for a few days to visit my Grandpa in the hospital when he had a stroke, and then for two days a few weeks later in May for his funeral. This past weekend I was home to celebrate my Grandmother's 100th birthday. And I don't know. Something about it was fundamentally different. In the air. In the atmosphere. And I'm still feeling it today, back in Seattle.
What was different about this weekend? Well for starters I was home to celebrate a grand parents life and both of my other grandparents died earlier this year. Secondly she's 100 now and that's kind of incredible. She's the only 100 year old person I know and she's my grandmother. I got to spend time with my whole family, my sister was overly accommodating of our veganism, my nephew is adorable. All of that is true. All of that is nice. All of that would make for a pleasant, even super weekend.
But that's not what sprung me out of bed inspired this morning. The change was political. The biggest difference was that I went home with my girlfriend to a state where we're (currently) equals under the law in a way that I have never been anywhere before in my life. I was equal in the state where I was born gay, grew up hating myself, had a year+ relationship that I kept from my family, and practiced deeply rooted internalized homophobia that my girlfriend still calls me out on. When I lived in California, despite being out at school to a large extent, I was in the closet to many of the people I cared most about and was very actively hiding and denying that part of who I was.
I can't tell you how many old, new, and ancient relatives ad family friends I introduced my girlfriend to. It was especially wonderful introducing McKenzie to my VERY liberal Aunt Molly and Uncle Bruce who I've always had a special kinship with. But it wasn't just an ownership of my sexuality and pride in my relationship. A lot of that has come with the hard won 4 year relationship that we've had. It was that every time we were in public holding hands, being at all affectionate, or just sitting, I didn't wince under the gaze of onlookers. I felt comforted by imagining their internal sentiment, " Well, I suppose that's allowed now." Carmel and Monterey aren't exactly gay meccas but I'm sure they have their share of now lawfully wedded residents. Residents who might feel a little more confident walking their dogs, having romantic dinners together, sitting and watching the sunset on the beach.
Nothing needs to change for anyone else really. It's observational. It has to do with visibility and hopefully acceptance and eventually deference. (I won't say tolerance that is a REALLY shitty word when it comes to treating 'different' people with respect)
It was PROGRESS that I felt. It was incredibly motivating to have just a taste of what it feels like when the law moves finally in the direction I've imagined and hoped for for so many years. I felt emboldened to talk to anyone and everyone, "Vote for Obama, you have to, your vote will count," and, "One of the two of these men is going to be elected. If I cared less about the outcome I'd vote for Cynthia McKinney who is more my political compatriot. But I really believe we've seen 8 years of things coming down too close and supremely evil government powers coming to leadership in this country and I won't allow it anymore," and the also incredibly important, "NO NO NO NO on Prop. 8."
Let's keep this wonderful feeling of hope, change, and progress in the air. Let's turn back the last 8 years and march forwards above and beyond. I refuse to go further backwards.
Thank you California, California Supreme Court Judges, Eleanor Lusignan, The Hatlo/Porter families, and McKenzie Porritt for giving me a wonderful inspiring weekend. |
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| Oh My God |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|03:23 pm] |
I am about to graduate from college. Holy Shit. And I already have JOBS!!! Yay. Look out.
To DO:
Complete my mini-comic for Intro to Comics
Go see Maggie's Dance show - dress up like an Indian for morgans cowboys and indians birthday party.
Have an interview for a job with Seattle International Film Festival.
Read so many plays.
Clean our house.
GRADUATE. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2007|12:26 am] |
| [ | music |
| | you love me - kimya dawson | ] |
I just burnt the first bag of microwavable vegan popcorn I've ever attempted. My apartment smells horrible. I tried to eat some anyway. I don't understand how in two minutes and thirty seconds 3 meteors of darkness formed in my bag of popcorn. Horrible stinky lingering darkness.
Eating was better before. It really isn't what it used to be. It was fun, it was family, it was part of something that belonged in my life. I'm still eating, I just never really enjoy it anymore. It always feels so practical or wasteful. And expensive.
It turns out I won't be able to have much of a Halloween after all. Tech, tech, preview, open, run. And family. It's probably better I don't drink so much anyway. But I can't even stay out late. Also I got this internship so I won't be able to come home for Christmas probably. Which is . . . the internship is really good. But I'll miss California. I have to have a killer Thanksgiving then I think.
I always have so much to do, and I'm never doing enough. |
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| rain. |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|07:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | divorced | ] |
| [ | music |
| | crimson and clover | ] |
it's a pho day. |
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| Well. I guess this is growing up. |
[Oct. 14th, 2007|05:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | ZOKA'S | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | better | ] |
| [ | music |
| | so long lonesome. e_i_t_s | ] |
I'm at Zoka's and fucking Explosions in the Sky just came on.
I'm having a really good day. I love it when days start to get better. When I have a whole good weekend.
This maybe almost entirely attributed to the savior of my life, ms kemeya harper. And the Pacific Centered Map I bought at the world map store today that magically fits PERFECTLY over my bed in the formerly royally depressing blank white wall space.
Speaking of saviors, new church week two. the jury is back. I'm not a catholic, and now I know I'm not a methodist either. The pastor was a woman though. I liked that. But it was a pretty white/geriatric congregation. Marah sounds really good singing hymns though. I really can't get into hymns. I absolutely sound horrible and everyone sings so quietly I only hear myself. And how I can't sing hymns. But I liked going. I like having something to do on Sundays like go to church. Plus they were super liberal and a lot of the sermon was about how messed up it was that Bush vetoed SCHIP. They had information in the leaflet about contacting our local representatives. Also cool.
I'm auditioning for Julius Ceaser at Seattle Shakes tomorrow. I don't think I want to intern on that show but it will be good to be seen by them. I did my monologue for Kemeya and she said she didn't know what I was saying, but that I did it well. :)
Also. Headshots are weird. In some of the shots that I didn't pick I look SO MUCH like my dad and my sisters. Bizarro. I like the one I picked a lot though. Everyone, esp. the girls, who saw mine made me feel so pretty and Rebecca said mine was her favorite of our whole class. Which is saying a lot because Lara Lihiya's is amazing.
Sigh. Because autumn in Seattle is better than I remembered. |
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| I umm . . . I umm . . . |
[Oct. 14th, 2007|08:38 am] |
I should never post anything in the mornings.
bad breath, stomach aches, bad ideas.
I umm . . .
am working on having better things to say.
better mornings. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2007|12:18 pm] |
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To see the world in a grain of sand, and to see heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour .:. William Blake .:. |
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| IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY |
[Jun. 5th, 2007|01:13 am] |
| [ | music |
| | SINCE YOU BEEN GONE - KELLY CLARKSON | ] |
FOR the first time I can say
FUCK MINORS, I AM NOT YOU!!
Happy birthday to my gemini twins Mary and Jekka K.
Buy me a drink.
Tomorrow mini golf go karts and laser tag and dinner in west seattle.
Tomorrow night from 9-1am Bowling at sunset bowl. You're invited!!! It's in Ballard.
Mckenzie stole the rest of my first drink as a 21 year old. Bitch. I'm not even buzzed. Thank you booker and chuck norris for two massive shots with stupid names. |
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| erstwhile is a most satisfying word to say |
[May. 24th, 2007|08:19 pm] |
so it occurred to me the other day while I was lounging lazily in the waiting chairs in my office that we hate cows.
now I never would have guessed I had any problems with cows. they seem nice enough, a little boring, very peaceful and flatulent, big eyes, sometimes they are very pretty. likeable creatures I think.
if someone had said to me that the chair I was sitting on was made from the processed dried skin of dogs I would have flipped the fuck out. or cats . . . or hell like elephants or dolphins. I would have flipped the fuck out. but it's a cow. and as far removed as I am (way to go industry) from how this leather chair got to be built and upholstered so I could put my big ass on it I still know that this chair is made of a cow's skin. but I just sit there, it doesn't hit me like a ton of unethical slaps in the face as would a horse or a buffalo or something, I just sit on it. everybody does.
we hate cows.
this leather chair was erstwhile a cow named bessie.
. . . if it mooed at me I would flip the fuck out.
btw. by the flip the fuck out I mean like jumping in the air gagging wiping my contaminated anatomy and then flailing my arms and making grossed out faces. like if it was the skin of dead rats. yuck. |
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| You Made Me Love You, I Didn't Wanna Do It, And All The Time You Knew It |
[May. 9th, 2007|09:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | In a dream my love | ] |
| [ | music |
| | moonriver | ] |
When it is legal for gay people to get married federally I am going to propose to Queen Latifah.
And when we're old, and she's older, I'll say Dana baby, I always knew you were gay.
If we ever die we'll be buried next to each other and my head stone will say:
Married to a Queen
But first we'll smoke a lot of pot and ride bikes and dance in the rain on the tops of buildings in New Jersey with bright yellow umbrellas and have our own float at the San Francisco Pride Parade.
we'll be in love.
I bet the scars from her breast reduction are more beautiful than the scar on her forehead.
And I promise I will never let her forget that Bringing Down The House was one of the worst movies I have ever seen.
And she'll kiss me when she wins her first Oscar.
"Queen Latifah, what exactly are you the queen of?"
"Oh, you don't know? Why, Jessica Hatlo's heart, of course." |
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| what is that supposed to mean |
[Apr. 23rd, 2007|04:08 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | secret stash - regina spektor | ] |
Ever since I was a very little girl people have been telling me that I am very grown up. Today it was, "You're just such an adult, so mature."
Most of the time I feel very grown up, I did for most of my life. I thought it made me cool.
It doesn't really feel that way anymore. And I don't really think I'm all that grown up.
Really most of the time I feel like an idiot and a loser. And I don't really like adults anyway.
I guess I just don't really understand what it means that I'm so grown up, and I wish I knew better. Because it's always some sort of compliment.
I'm not saying I want to revel in my youth senselessly, but there are parts of it I very much so want to explore. And there are lots of things I see all around me that I don't really want to go through, or that I don't want to be crippled by.
Mainly I'd like to pay my own rent. And change the world.
I think I would consider myself grown up when I can be optimistic with out being called naive. |
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| so high, just how I wanted, and listening to |
[Apr. 15th, 2007|11:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | on the floor | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | awesome | ] |
| [ | music |
| | broken social scene | ] |
All these people drinking lover's spit
They sit around and clean their face with it
And they listen to teeth to learn how to quit
tied to a night they never met
You know it's time
that we grow old and do some shit
I like it all that way
All these people drinking lover's spit
Swallowing words while giving head
They listen to teeth to learn how to quit
tied to a night they never met
You know it's time
that we grow old and do some shit
I like it all that way |
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| a bitter haiku at 43 degrees |
[Apr. 3rd, 2007|11:17 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The room of life. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | at least it's sunny . . . | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pitter Patter Goes My Heart - Broken Social Scene | ] |
Oh deceptive sun
Seattle its fucking cold!
Warm up already!
Today is Dine For Darfur. I plan on eating my three meals at participating organizations today. Donut and Tea at TopPot for breakfast, Pizza at Pagliacci's, and a Bitchin' Burrito at Bimbo's if I have time. Going out to eat is my favorite way to donate money.
I can't wait for Dining out for Aids on April 26th. Way more organizations participate, and a ton of my favorites do. Plus my family will be in town so that is lots more money for an awesome cause. The only problem is my mind always goes to Eating out for Aids, which is just wrong. I have to make a mental correction, but still every time I think that first.
Anyway, if you're in Seattle you should participate, and if you live in any major city you should check what days you can dine out for a cause. The Aids one is through Lifelong Aids Alliance. You'll probably go out to eat these days anyway, why not go somewhere your money will count for more?
Have a lovely day, I hope it's warmer where you are! |
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| REEEEEEEEE-cap |
[Mar. 17th, 2007|12:22 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my seattle cloudy | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | i miss my california sunshine | ] |
| [ | music |
| | graduate-third eye blind | ] |
I drove close to 3,000 miles on my trip all totaled. I'm a beast. I rarely stopped to pee.
It was in the motherfuckineighties the whole trip. So sunny.
I went to the beach helluv often.
My niece is smarter than me. She hits me in the face with ice cream and calls candies sweet treats.
Kemeya Harper is the best road trip hang out with my family friend ever.
I love love love California. It is my favorite state even though the northern part is annoying.
I got a speeding ticket in Northern California.
The cop was kind of hot. And I was speeding.
What the hell else is there to do in Northern California????
My family though heinously dysfunctional is actually fucking hilarious when I get to roll my eyes at two good comrades who are enduring it all with me. They're actually pretty wonderful when I get to laugh at them and love them at the same time.
God damn do they ever over order at Chinese Restaurants though.
I'm more of an uncle than an aunt but I'm more specifically in between. And that makes me awesome.
I love the bay area, I love and miss its diversity and this came to me rolled up like a burrito at my favorite burrito place.
Because I love La Victoria.
It may take me till my deathbed to forgive them for putting chorizo in the Orange sauce however.
Filling up a tank that wasn't even empty? 45 dollars. SO SO glad I don't drive for real.
The boardwalk was closed. Lame. but Neptune's Kingdom and photobooths were open.
San Francisco was gorgeous for the 4 hours we were there.
I HEART BART. I wish it went EVERYwhere.
ARE you listening san jose? EVERYwhere.
My first live hockey game and the sharks shut out some team from canada. Umm. Cool. Yay.
Good Nachos.
My sister is hella pregnant.
Cavity Free for two years! Thank you DR. Larsen for putting my mind and mouth to rest.
I love my grandmother. 98 is the new 78.
Australias next top model is . . . oh wait I fell asleep thinking about writing about how fucking boring that show is. It made me appreciate the psycho Tyra Banks. Bizarre. (do i get a vaseline Tyra?)
I love I Love New York, and I'll miss you whiteboy.
101 south isn't worth it, it takes for hella days! It's beautiful but not worth it in 1 day. Fucker took me 12 hours from lincoln city.
Vegan Vanilla Chai Milkshake means god lives at Saturns.
I wish I'd been in Santa Cruz longer.
I wish I'd been everywhere longer.
Capri Sun, Gushers, Fruit by the Foot, Spicy Doritos=perfect return road trip food.
Seattle is cold, but was nice today.
Carkeek park, rock climbing in the water by railroad tracks with trains passing by. Memories. Alviso, what?
The movie 300 is like a really long army commercial only it doesn't reach out to minorities, they get to play all the bad guys and die a lot. Seriously that movie is so pro-war I laughed out loud. Persia=Iran. Lets fight for freedom. yeah, freedom toast.
Lena Heady was fucking hot though.
I will be submitting parody poetry under pseudonyms for the 2007 dreams themed metro bus poetry contest. The best part is that any of it could be me. Ha! my favorite metro poem to date; My cat licks my face and I feel...absolution. I can't wait to write poems that bad.
REEEEEEEEflection:
I have two homes and I am so lucky. I love the sun. I need more of my friends, and more gay friends. Never eat at Johnny Rockets. But most importantly . . .
I would rather jump naked into a rainy freezing Puget Sound than go back to Cornish on Monday.
My body and brain are seriously making it known that I should have stayed in CA and that they don't want to go back to school.
If you asked me today I'd say I'd rather drop out and bum around in the sun.
I might cry when I go to class on Monday. |
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| Roadtrip! |
[Mar. 5th, 2007|04:59 pm] |
Some women walk around. Some women have cars. Sometimes when women with cars are friends with women who walk around they offer to go on a road trip to California so that the women who walk around can get the fuck out of Seattle and go to the beach.
We will be leaving Saturday and making many stops along the way. We will see you if you live in Santa Cruz, San Francisco, San Jose, or Monterey. But first we'll stop in Portland.
It was going to be a surprise again, like last year, but Kemeya and I need to be sleeping on some couches. And it's nice to let people know.
We won't stay long. But it will be heaven to get away. I will bring NO homework with me. And lots of t shirts. All of my baggage can stay behind me, I'll just take what I can carry in a backpack.
I bought a box of vanilla fudge drumsticks this afternoon and gave all but one away.
If you want to come up to see me in a show in April it runs the 26-28th. It's a musical with 80's music. I get to sing Whip It, among other things. Pretty rockin.
See you soon sunshine! |
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|
| Excerpt from Emily by Joanna Newsom on Ys |
[Mar. 3rd, 2007|04:27 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Emily-Joanna Newsom-Ys | ] |
You came and lay a cold compress upon the mess I'm in
Threw the window wide and cried, "Amen! Amen! Amen!"
The whole world - stopped - to hear you hollering
You looked down and saw now what was happening
The lines are fading in my kingdom
(Though I have never known the way to border them in)
So the muddy mouths of baboons and sows and the grouse and the horse and the hen
Grope at the gate of the looming lake that was once a tidy pen
And the mail is late and the great estates are not lit from within
The talk in town's becoming downright sickening
In due time we will see the far butte lit by a flare
I've seen your bravery, and I will follow you there
And row through the nighttime
Gone healthy
Gone healthy all of a sudden
In search of the midwife
Who could help me
Who could help me
Help me find my way back in
There are worries where I've been |
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| I'm young and healthy, and you've got charms, it would really be a sin not to have you in my arms |
[Feb. 11th, 2007|10:33 pm] |
Everyone, collectively now, take a deep breath in, think about all of the stressful mess you get yourself into, all the piles of bird shit built up on each shoulder, and then just let it all go, and shake it all off. AAaaaaahhh. There now. Isn't that better?
You know the days when you take your life back into your own hands. The days when you wake up and you walk outside and you know you just have this new lease on life. Like the closest to a do over you'll ever get. A self generated fresh start. I feel twenty pounds lighter. And judging by photos of me exactly one year ago, I may very well be. But it's an internal lightness. Like my heart and it's related nerve endings finally burped after being nauseous forever and just took their first deep breath in months.
Maybe it's a myth but I think tomorrow is going to be the different that never goes back to how things were. Even when things suck they'll never suck the same way, and maybe they'll even suck a little better.
a walk around greenlake with my new true love and dearest friend kemeya, a stop at the local co-op i've neglected for the mega chain of whole foods, and dinner at home just me and my favorite straight girl friends.
I am most looking forward to:
reading tonight's L Word recap on AfterEllen.com
waking up alone.
a valentine's dinner date for five at queen sheba's finger food ethiopian.
actually doing some homework and some acting.
singing along with Mary J. to 'no more drama' in the shower and meaning it.
growing up in seattle with rainbows at sunset.
I'm even over the apparently incurable mistake of accidentally deleting 16 gigs of music off my laptop. C'est la vie. Life goes on. I'll just start over. |
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| Kiss Kiss Bang Bang |
[Jan. 13th, 2007|11:44 am] |
things to look forward to:
after being sick for a month I remain optimistic that despite a worsening condition I am not going to die.
Seattle trumping the top seated team in Chicago tomorrow in the play off game that could take them back to the super bowl.
the look on beyonces face when they absolutely do not give her that golden globe.
the look on jennifer hudson's face when they absolutely do give her a golden globe
mlkj day.
the snow melting and not staying frozen to everything like bad frost bitten left overs.
my first day of school and having april denonno finally for a film class that I got to count for an elective credit.
seeing everyone again since i have seen practically no one over break being holed up in my apartment as I am.
buying lunch at whole foods with a fucking giftcard! for as long as I can make it last me. (which won't be long)
being over worked intimidated overwhelmed and exhausted but being happy
i don't have contemporary theater history anymore.
original works directing 3 times a week, original works playwriting 3 times a week
reasons to get out of bed right now:
to blow my nose
to drink tea
because feeling sorry for yourself is stupid
because I'm not dying
because the food is in the kitchen
eventually I may get to go outside and freeze my ass off
putting clothes on makes me feel like a superior person to the one in pajamas
RICOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA is on the table |
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et_quelquefois's journal
sorry
my entire left leg is asleep
ill